My mind is blank.

It happens from time to time, especially when I try and force myself to do something, like right now. I had sat down, made myself some tea, gotten comfortable and just as I feel like I'm going to write something, I lose sight of it right as my hands hit the keyboard. I try and visualize it, think of something to write and reflect on whats inside my head. However, instead of a vast scene of serene white, with various ideas here and there, all I see is just a jumbled mess of black and white, as if a canvas was scribbled over a canvas.

Sometimes it starts to mimic something like out of that children book: If you give a mouse a cookie. I think to myself, "maybe if I get myself something sweet along with my tea, maybe then I might be able to drink" and so I go look for something, knowing well enough that we never have anything sweet to eat. Defeated I end up returning, and think to myself, "Maybe if I just rest and watch something on YouTube, maybe then I can start to write" and so I do that, and once that video ends, and nothing changes. It's kind of funny how only when you need to do something, only then do the most interesting videos pop up in your recommended list. Of course, unable to think of where to start, or where to continue, I decide to give that video a watch. And of course I come back still with no ideas. After that I might remember about something interesting I saw on Netflix, or a thread I read on Reddit, and so off to there. And even after that still nothing. In the end I usually end up completely caught up in something new that I had found, or just dejectedly refreshing the YouTube home page, long forgotten what I really needed to do, I mean, how could I do it if I still can't even think.

But on other times such as this one, I just sit and try over and over. My heads still a mess while approaching the end of this blog post, but I think slowly but surely, I get better and better at powering through even without the ability to think.